You might think that you know how to listen to someone. Surely you just hear the words and interpret their meaning, right?
Wrong.
There is something called ‘active listening’ which takes the idea of listening to someone to a whole new level. By learning this, you can truly understand those around you, your colleagues at your office desks, and the ideas that come from discussions around the boardroom tables.
Active listening is actually one of the most important aspects of effective communication because it cuts out the chances of conflict, it helps you to read between the lines, and as a result, you can deeply understand what is really going on.
Sometimes people might not want to tell you the whole truth, they might not want to give you a true picture of what is going on, they might want to hide certain details away, or in some cases, they might want to lie completely. Learning how to listen properly will allow you to understand whether this is the case and have a deeper understanding as a result.
Check out this video which introduces the idea of listening properly.
If you want to learn how to really listen and therefore improve your communication skills, here are five steps which will help you begin.
Step 1 - Don’t Interrupt
The first point is to remember not to interrupt when someone is speaking. Allow them to say what they need to say and avoid trying to give unnecessary or unwanted advice. Sometimes, a person doesn’t want you to help them or give them pearls of wisdom, they simply want you to listen to them, and that is enough to make them feel better.
Step 2 - Watch Their Body Language
Body language speaks for us when words don’t. You can be saying one thing and truly believe that you’re getting your point across, but if your body language is contradicting you, you’re going to throw the entire meaning into doubt.
If someone is sat at their office chair with their arms across their body in a defensive position, they might be lying, hiding something, or feeling upset. If someone refuses to make eye contact with you, they could be feeling shy or they might be lying once more. If someone is fidgeting, they’re probably not telling you everything you need to know.
Understanding body language means you're learning how to understand nonverbal communication and this is part of the listening process.
Step 3 - Listen to Their Tone of Voice
Sometimes it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. If someone is being sarcastic, it throws doubt onto how genuine they are in their meaning. If they’re stuttering over their words and speaking in a quiet voice, they might be feeling nervous or scared. There are many things you can tell from the tone of someone’s voice, and it can also be that you can tell whether someone is lying from this alone too.
For instance, you might be speaking to a colleague in the office booths because you’re worried that there is something wrong with them. They’ve been acting a little out of character lately and you just want to check in with them and see that nothing is bothering them. They tell you that they’re fine, but their voice is shaking, they won’t make eye contact with you and they’re fidgeting a little.
In this case, simply listening to the words won’t tell you the truth, but listening to their words and looking at the nonverbal cues will give you more information.
Step 4 - Maintain Eye Contact
If you’re looking everywhere but at the person who is speaking, they’re not going to get the feeling that you’re paying attention to what they have to say. As a result, they might think “what’s the point” and simply not speak to you at all. This is a huge mistake.
Be present in the conversation and make eye contact with the person you’re speaking to. This can help them continue speaking and encourage them to open up.
Step 5 - Let Them Know You’re Listening
It’s also important to reassure the person that you’re listening to them and a good way to do that is to lean into them a little, maintain the eye contact we just talked about and make agreeable noises, such as “uh-huh”, “oh”, “ah”, and nod your head occasionally. This encourages the person to continue talking and allows you to really listen to the words and look for the nonverbal communication cues that are so important.
Learning how to really listen to someone is never a waste of time, whether at work or in your personal life.